Speaking the Truth in Love
Speaking the Truth in Love
It’s 2010 and I’m at university, one of my best friends, my housemate is about to go on a date. She comes bounding into the lounge where I am, she spins around and says ‘how do I look?!’
An easy answer. She looked amazing! As she continued talking to me; telling me about her nervousness, what food to order so it wouldn’t be embarrassing to eat, what questions to ask or not to ask- I noticed something. Bright red lipstick, all over her teeth. I remember vividly thinking ‘Oh no, what do I do?!’ ‘Do I tell her about the lipstick, I don’t want to embarrass her’.
The funny thing is that if it was now, I would have no problem telling someone they had lipstick on their teeth. But rewind nearly 14 years ago (as an aside I am shocked I went to university THAT long ago) I was a complete people pleaser and telling anyone anything like that made me worried: was I being harsh? Is it easier to say nothing in case they react badly and don’t like me? Some of you might relate to this, others will not!
I did say something- I think you’ll be pleased to know. Because, deep down, I knew it was kinder, more loving to say something. I cared about my friend too much to go out and meet her date with lipstick on her teeth.
Let’s rewind even further, 2000 years or so. According to the gospel of Matthew, a man, runs up to Jesus, kneels before him and asks ‘Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ There must have been something so endearing about his man running up to Jesus and falling at his feet because we get this wonderful detail where the passage says ‘Jesus, looking at him, loved him’.
But what follows after Jesus’s moment of intimacy isn’t easy to swallow. Jesus says ‘You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.’ Wow. Give everything away, the thing you lack is clinging to these possessions too dearly, sell them, give the money away and follow me. But this was too much for the man, we read he gets up, grieving, because he has so many possessions he treasures.
It's so easy to turn this into a reductionist morality lesson. Don’t cling to wealth and earthly possessions. Don’t treasure material items above Jesus. They are of course good lessons, but I’m struck by this interaction and what it means for us.
Firstly, this man who kneels before Jesus is hungry. Upon seeing or hearing about Jesus he knows he needs to run and kneel before him. He recognises a need to follow Jesus in some way, he is hungry for more. This man deserves some credit- it’s hard to admit a need when we have one!
Secondly, it’s out of love that Jesus replies to the man. After the man asks his question to Jesus, Jesus reminds him to observe the Jewish Law. The man is probably slightly relieved by this, ‘I’ve kept all these since my youth’ he replies. Phew. Eternal life? Got it! I’ve just got to observe the law which I already do.
But Jesus’ challenge doesn’t end there, as we know, Jesus looks at him and loves him and gives him a hard truth. Sell everything, give the money away and follow me.
The thing is, like me, observing the law, the 10 commandments is fairly easy – most of the time! Jesus sees this man- it’s not simply enough to follow the law to gain eternal life, you have to believe and trust in Jesus. Jesus sees that what is holding this man back from entering into life in all its fullness is his possessions and wealth. Remember the important detail- it is out of love that Jesus says this- it’s not a judgement or a challenge for challenge's sake, out of love Jesus calls this man to let go of the thing he clings to the most and asks him to trust- that he might find a greater freedom and love if he does so.
Sometimes, speaking the truth in love is hard. It feels controversial, like you’re rocking the boat but ultimately, it is usually for the best. The example I started with about my friend’s lipstick on her teeth seems a bit silly when we compare it to Jesus and this man. But I think the point is the same.
I wonder what for you would be the thing that is so hard to give up? A relationship? Your house? Your job? I can think of many things where to be honest, I’d have the same reaction as the man- leaving in grief because what Jesus has asked feels too much.
In walking away, the young man in Mark’s Gospel chooses a different path. Jesus answers his initial question, “What must I do to inherit eternal life?” with an offer of companionship. Of friendship. Of shared life. “Follow me,” Jesus says. But that’s not an answer the man can bear. The young man isn’t ready and Jesus lets him go.
He lets him go because that is the terrible and beautiful requirement of love. Love lets go. Love bides its time. Love hopes in absence.
God sees and knows and offers to accompany us as we navigate our way between tough decisions that are laid out in front of us. May we consent to be held in the pleasure and the protection of this God.
Laura Verrall-Kelly, 9/10/24
